It’s been days I had some time for myself. Just to sit under the starry sky on this chilly winter night listening to my own thoughts.. it’s bliss. I have a lot of things going on my head. I have a lot of regrets too, already. I have to listen to the complaints of my soul, for avoiding her completely. I decide, I need a getaway. To where? I have no idea. I need to find the nearest hill, or a some shore. May be some woods would do too. Or an old broken and forgotten fort. That clicks something! I know such a place. That too nearby. I gotta go there. Alone.
Yeah. I feel bad to say this, but I crave for solitude now. It’s not about the people I’m surrounded with. They’re all good, and I do love them with all my heart. They’re precious. To put up with someone like me, that’s indeed a big level of love and compassion. But I’m not used to being like this. I’m mostly left with myself and my thoughts. Being with people all the time kind of suffocate my soul. Away from the voices and noises, I need a break. Solitude is bliss! I can hear the dripping sound of water, coming from the crack of this pipe. I can hear the hum of the chilly wind, clicks and chirps of unknown beings. I can find a rhythm in all these random sounds. I can spot constellations, or draw my own connecting them the way I want. I can just sit here lost in thoughts, debating over things.
Sometimes I really miss the me who set foot in this city months ago. No expectations from anyone, nor anyone to expect anything from me. It feels like ages since. But at the same time I really love those people. I’d have missed out a lot many things if I haven’t met them. Multiple personality? Yeah. May be. I’m complicated that way. I think I pretty much know the reason why people leave me. I get obsessed, and it becomes hard to leave; or I get bored and fed up, and I act crazy. Sometimes I feel like I’m better off alone and I repel people, so I stay away and they hate me. It’s not intentional really, it’s just a phase. I’ll pass that and I’ll be back to what people call ‘normal’. Oh. I shouldn’t be saying I’m always hated, as I actually do have friends for life. BFFs as you may call them. From school, college, and now here too. I’m blessed to have them. Yeah. I’m being double minded now. I want solitude, but I want people. I want to spend time with myself, but I want to enjoy with them too! I’m such a hypocrite! Meh. And the night is getting colder and I’m freezing on this terrace. I really need to go down now. Though I don’t feel like. And some tiny insects are biting me. Meh. Reality sucks. The dogs are barking on top of their voice and the crack on this pipe is causing too much water lose! The air is so polluted with burned wastes and plastic. I really need to go down now. The city never gets any better. I need to get some fresh air this weekend. Yes. I’m going to that abandoned fort this weekend. Alone. I so badly need it. Okbye.
~I know this is perfect ranting that makes no sense at all. But I hope you don’t stop reading me after this 😛 .
Last night, I decided against going to my friends’ place for sleepover, which I have been doing like a routine for about a month now. I felt like I need some time alone, to give time for some thoughts to settle. I went to the terrace and sat there for a very long time, wrote this, and allowed myself to shiver and freeze in the chilly wind of a winter night. Winter is my favourite after monsoon. Misty mornings and chilly nights. It felt like heaven; really. I’m still not over with the thoughts though. Need to give it more time to settle. So I’m planning a secret getaway this weekend, without telling anyone. 😉 How much I love being an enigmatic!
Featured image taken from our terrace on a night months ago, when I used to go and sit there like every night. Applied some artistic filter on PicsArt app. 😉 Cuz it looks perfect for my mood last night. ~