Random Rants of a Chilly Night

It’s been days I had some time for myself. Just to sit under the starry sky on this chilly winter night listening to my own thoughts.. it’s bliss. I have a lot of things going on my head. I have a lot of regrets too, already. I have to listen to the complaints of my soul, for avoiding her completely. I decide, I need a getaway. To where? I have no idea. I need to find the nearest hill, or a some shore. May be some woods would do too. Or an old broken and forgotten fort. That clicks something! I know such a place. That too nearby. I gotta go there. Alone.
Yeah. I feel bad to say this, but I crave for solitude now. It’s not about the people I’m surrounded with. They’re all good, and I do love them with all my heart. They’re precious. To put up with someone like me, that’s indeed a big level of love and compassion. But I’m not used to being like this. I’m mostly left with myself and my thoughts. Being with people all the time kind of suffocate my soul. Away from the voices and noises, I need a break. Solitude is bliss! I can hear the dripping sound of water, coming from the crack of this pipe. I can hear the hum of the chilly wind, clicks and chirps of unknown beings. I can find a rhythm in all these random sounds. I can spot constellations, or draw my own connecting them the way I want. I can just sit here lost in thoughts, debating over things.
Sometimes I really miss the me who set foot in this city months ago. No expectations from anyone, nor anyone to expect anything from me. It feels like ages since. But at the same time I really love those people. I’d have missed out a lot many things if I haven’t met them. Multiple personality? Yeah. May be. I’m complicated that way. I think I pretty much know the reason why people leave me. I get obsessed, and it becomes hard to leave; or I get bored and fed up, and I act crazy. Sometimes I feel like I’m better off alone and I repel people, so I stay away and they hate me. It’s not intentional really, it’s just a phase. I’ll pass that and I’ll be back to what people call ‘normal’. Oh. I shouldn’t be saying I’m always hated, as I actually do have friends for life. BFFs as you may call them. From school, college, and now here too. I’m blessed to have them. Yeah. I’m being double minded now. I want solitude, but I want people. I want to spend time with myself, but I want to enjoy with them too! I’m such a hypocrite! Meh. And the night is getting colder and I’m freezing on this terrace. I really need to go down now. Though I don’t feel like. And some tiny insects are biting me. Meh. Reality sucks. The dogs are barking on top of their voice and the crack on this pipe is causing too much water lose! The air is so polluted with burned wastes and plastic. I really need to go down now. The city never gets any better. I need to get some fresh air this weekend. Yes. I’m going to that abandoned fort this weekend. Alone. I so badly need it. Okbye.

~I know this is perfect ranting that makes no sense at all. But I hope you don’t stop reading me after this πŸ˜› .

Last night, I decided against going to my friends’ place for sleepover, which I have been doing like a routine for about a month now. I felt like I need some time alone, to give time for some thoughts to settle. I went to the terrace and sat there for a very long time, wrote this, and allowed myself to shiver and freeze in the chilly wind of a winter night. Winter is my favourite after monsoon. Misty mornings and chilly nights. It felt like heaven; really. I’m still not over with the thoughts though. Need to give it more time to settle. So I’m planning a secret getaway this weekend, without telling anyone. πŸ˜‰ How much I love being an enigmatic!

Featured image taken from our terrace on a night months ago, when I used to go and sit there like every night. Applied some artistic filter on PicsArt app. πŸ˜‰ Cuz it looks perfect for my mood last night. ~

Advertisements

19 Comments Add yours

  1. Josh says:

    Kuddos for the image and the art work!

    Now, Listen, its not you who feel like this, all of us feel the same, may be the time differs. Yeah, traveling will refine and refresh the insight on life, so go for it.. but Plz Plz don’t go alone, or least keep some one posted about the place you going to find the you!

    Liked it! you should write often, spread your thoughts over hear, squeeze the time, and you will see how positively going to impact on your thought process and life! am telling from my experience, because, WP is real, and the feelings shared are honest. So keep writing and reading! You will be fine πŸ™‚

    And now, this is not to you okay, am telling to people in general who says, I don’t have time, It’s like we are going on a loooooooooooooong road trip and saying we don’t have time to fill the fuel tank!! ( Time, we have to create it! wake up an hour early or sleep an hour late).

    Okay then now this is getting bigger than your rants, but honestly i loved reading yours! Btw any fellow bloggers who found this comment interesting, you are welcome to follow my classified rants at my blog page πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. aishahnaaz says:

      Thank you so much Josh!! And I really love your rants you post there!!! They’re so deep. And trust me, your rants hits right on feels. Thank you so much for this loooong comment and suggestions. I’m honoured. πŸ™‚ You’re so right about WP. That’s why I come here when I want to be away from this world itself.

      Like

      1. Josh says:

        You are welcome! Happy Blogging πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. aishahnaaz says:

        Same to you! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Josh says:

        Keep Rocking!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ashik T M says:

    We can answer lot of questions that are tangled in our life when we found ourselves.The best way to find ourselves is at the stage solitude.some times we will be stressed out of job and poeple we are surrounded with,just listen to what your heart says,you may find it bit extreme but at end of the day I am sure you will spread smile in your face.Oh I am becoming so formal which is not of my type.stay blessed and keep posting !!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aishahnaaz says:

      Yeah. You’re so right! And no need to be formal at all, fellow malayalee blogger! πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Ashik T M says:

    Chumma buildupπŸ˜…πŸ˜…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hiba says:

    Hey Aisha, the picture looks amazing. And it totally goes with your post about wanting solitude. And please. Don’t call it a rant. It’s a desire everyone has at some point. It was quite a calming post, frankly. Hope you’re doing well πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aishahnaaz says:

      Thank you so much Hiba! And that night was also very calming. πŸ™‚
      Alhamdulillah, I’m having my happiest days of my life now.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hiba says:

        Wow, that makes me feel happy for you. I hope you keep having happy and peaceful days πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. aishahnaaz says:

        I wish the same for you too! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hiba says:

    Btw, I love the theme of your blog. I really do. It’s quite elegant.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aishahnaaz says:

      Thank you so much. πŸ™‚ Its name is Dyad I think.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Loved reading through this post, the atmosphere you created was so serene.. I do love a starry night lost deep in thoughts myself βœ¨πŸŒ™

    Liked by 1 person

    1. aishahnaaz says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words πŸ€“ keep visiting 😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks hun, will do xx

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s